Because today is “Have a Coke Day”, I googled “coke square dance” and came across this gem: The Square Dance Conspiracy. Along with hypothesizing that square dancing was invented by aliens (after all, it’s best viewed from above…), the author, Mark Leeper, notes:

Ask yourself, why are you not even allowed to question the authority of the caller. That should tell you something. And you should ask yourself who your caller is taking his/her orders from. How will you feel when your caller starts giving you:

Waltz that girl across the floor.
Hide some drugs in your desk drawer.
Meet in the center with a right hand star.
Toss a grenade in someone’s car.
Promenade that pretty little thing.
Drill some holes in an airplane wing.

This article (along with some other humorous square dance pieces) is listed in the article co-op at Vic Ceder’s site.